Confessions

 

He was released to a sober house that for the first time he secured startup payment for. During this time, my mother died 6 weeks after my father. My daughter was married out of town 6 days after my mom died. It was a whirlwind of emotions and having Justin on this path felt like the greatest blessing. 

 

He found a job he seemed to like. He seemed happy, stable & at peace. We offered to pay co-pays for his psychiatrist and any depression meds. We spent Christmas together as a family the first time in 3 years, the first peaceful time in 8. He came with us to our nephew's wedding out of town..we stayed together in the hotel. We had many discussions of his recovery process and why this time was different. He seemed determined and healthy. 

 

I saw the first cracks in this at the wedding in early January. My other kids noticed his "squirrelly" behavior. He kept leaving the wedding to go back to the room. Upon our return he started to seem much more like his "old" self. He was sullen, impatient and full of complaints. His job wasn't working, his roommate was pressuring him about caring for things in the apartment(he was living in a shared apartment because the sober house was full of "criminals"). He couldn't attend certain meetings because he was being "badgered for money" by homeless people..and so on.

 

Soon, he started on us. Asking about my parent's estate..he took some coins that my dad was collecting that belonged to the estate. He demanded a "stipend" from the estate monies so he could relocate somewhere warm. It became painfully clear that the last 3 months had all been an act to get close to what he perceived was inheritance money (I am executor). 

 

The thing is, my parents did very well as working class people..but that is what they were. The estate is being split 3 ways and he is one of 7 grandchildren. I guess he thinks he's quite special, deserving of a stipend. 

 

To sum up, he lost his job. He lost his apartment. He has been badgering and threatening all of us again. I am now getting the phone calls again..the last one he said he was going to decapitate himself on the train tracks if we didn't run $300 to him immediately. We didn't. It is frightfully cold again and I told him to get to a shelter. He told me again they were "all filled up," which we know to be a lie. He said he has frostbite over 30% of his body. It's the same old, same old. His roommate wrote my daughter a note and said that he feels bad but that Justin had been drinking & using the whole time & it was escalating. 

 

All we can do is prepare now. Something has to give. He has been in active addiction for at least 8 years now. He lied about everything. He had not been seeing a psychiatrist, not been taking meds, not been doing the recovery activities he seemed so proud of the last few months.

 

I am devastated he fell back to the streets. I refuse to go back there with him. He has to figure this out now or not. No hotels, no quick cash, no rides, no whipping post.