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Member Since: 06/10/2011
 
Last Login: 12/27/2011

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I'm a mom of 3, stepmom of 2 and grandma (nanna) of 1.  This is the first time I've ever talked to anyone outside of those the closest to me about my son's addiction.  I tried to give the "Reader's Digest" version - mostly just the facts of when it started and how it has evolved.  I've been trying to find help for my son by searching the internet and haven't had much luck.  Then just shortly after seeing what appeared to me to be fresh needle marks on my son's arms I was lead to this site!  A true answer to prayer!

Here's a little history...

My son is 21 and he started smoking pot at a very young age.  His sister is 4 years older, so when she started smoking pot, she made him smoke too so that he couldn't tell on her!  She knows now that it was ridiculous and she regrets it deeply.  She never turned to other drugs, but he did.  When he was about age 12, I had been suffering from a chronic illness for several years and was taking prescription pain medication, I went out of town for a weekend and only took enough meds with me for two days.  I came home to find my lock box broken into and a month worth of medicine missing.  Ryan blamed it on his friend and I believed him!  Why would a 12 year old want my pain medication???  After that I counted my meds religiously and wrote the exact number on the bottles each time I took out my doses.  I moved them daily to new hiding places but no matter what I did, he always found them.  I went through a period of remission and was able to stop taking all my meds.  He ended up in trouble and spent 6 months at Youth for Tomorrow up in Bristow, VA.  That was followed by more trouble and some jail time and just after he turned 18 and was finished with all his court appearances, I kicked him out of the house and we did not speak for over a year.  He seemed to turn his life around and ended up getting a great job making more money than me!  Unfortunately, all the money was too much for him to handle and he ended up spending it on pain pills.  He wrecked his truck while under the influence and was injured leading to more pain pills.  Then he totalled a second vehicle breaking his collar bone and injuring his neck and back, then another...and another!  4 vehicles in a 6 month period!  He had some legitimate pain, but was severely addicted at this point.  He moved to VA Beach to try to get away from the influence and get off the pain pills but didn't have any support (since I really had no clue what was going on).  He found that heroin was much cheaper and easier to find than pain pills and it helped him with the withdrawal - but of course he was hooked instanly.  He moved back to this area and told me he was off of everything and even admitted to me that he had dabbled in heroin.  He hooked back up with a childhood friend he hadn't seen in a while and I hardly heard from him.  That friend overdosed on a fentanyl patch that he swallowed and nearly died.  Once again Ryan admitted that he was doing drugs again but that his friend's near death experience affected him deeply and he quit everything.  No more than a month later, on the day after Thanksgiving, his friend overdosed and died - he was just 20 years old!  Ryan went deeper and deeper into the drugs all while telling me he was sober and that he would never end up like his friend.  Once again he admitted to what he was doing and told me he was getting some seboxan (sp?) and getting off everything.  He sent me messages...day 2 and doing good...day 5, wow feeling great...then nothing.  He told me to my face that he was clean, but no more messages and no more counting the days.  He is renting a house my ex husband owns and my ex went in while he was gone and found needles and everything needed for shooting up.  And again he said he was quitting and started the countdown messages and they stopped just like the last time.  I heard through the grapevine that he has been going to a pain clinic in dc and getting tons of pain meds some for him and some to sell.  Apparently he gets high on some and sells the rest, then goes through withdrawal and has to go buy it off the street.  A vicious cycle...  That brings us to the present.  He tells me he isn't doing anything but I see the evidence on his arms.  He is always behind on his rent and is begging and borrowing on a daily basis - yet he makes $23 an hour and his rent is only $850.  I've tried to find treatment locally for him but the only doctor I found does not accept insurance and requires outrageous fees.  We would need about $1,000 just to get a few days of Seboxan and he would have to have an appt 3 days in a row to start.  It seems a little shady to me and I don't feel like he will get the help he needs, it seems like the doctor is taking advantage of people and is just in it for the money - but, that's just a gut feeling, maybe he is a good doctor and can really help, I just don't know.  Ryan does work full time - believe it or not - and doesn't have enough leave to be able to go into a long term treatment facility.  There must be a doctor that would see him on an outpatient basis that accepts insurance and can help him get off the drugs not just by using medicine, but by also treating the underlying problems, do you know of any?  If he doesn't get off the drugs soon he will end up just like his friend.  I can't sit back and pretend it's not happening any more but I don't know what to do.  I see the parent's faces every day in my mind and I feel their pain, I can't let that happen to us!

Thank you for this site and for all your help! 

 

:)  Pam



My Relationship with Addiction

Was/Are Addicted to
  • Smoking
Was/Are Affected by an Addict
  • General Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Cutting
  • Drugs
  • Sex
  • Smoking

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